well ,No jail time for me yet!

Well at least i will be out for christmas Holidays and thats way cool as the sudbury jail is overpacked sleeping 4 to a cell ,i heard they got in 2 oz of speed!glad i am not inside now.i thank my GOD and saviour Jesus Christ for helping me in my times of troubles,and everytime they seem to pull through.I leave it in GODS hands and it just seems to work out.Mom is going to kingston to be with all the family.I should be going but am not sure if i will attend as i have to still sign in on xmas day,we'll see this friday when i ask.well i thank my GOD for all that he has given me.in Jesus name i pray ,amen!

Just a quick update/dec 1/2006world aids day

Well i am out on bail when i should be in jail.it seems getting that fraud charge will be in breach of my conditional arrest,as i was toild by my probation officer today and have to see him the 14 .So i think i will be inside for xmas untill june when my house arrest is up.bullshit or what folks?Here i am making Video's for hiv to educate kids and teens ,going to schools, group homes,colledges and at L.University.So now i am lookin at 1 yr for getting a check in my mail and taking it too the bank and asking him to check it out.I was with my son and am hoping that we can at least win my case,such is my life though,seeems no matter what i do or try it always ends up kickin my ass and hard!Well i am out for today anyways and am fairly happy about that.It would help if i could find a decent woman to love again.I need that hope if i am to carry on,or at least could use it.I ran into Taz today,an ex that is looking very rough as she is still hard at the coke.That drug as ruined so many lives its mind boggleing.and the money spent on that shit??CRAZY or WHAT???I hear if it was made legel it would ruin the US economy.Well i hope yous all have a safe and happy xmas.O,I must admit great disappointment over the fact that nothing was done here in sudbury.i mean nothing at a decent hour,7-10 is kinda early eh folks?well i regret not showing up now.BUT what can i do now?i a;lso fucked up an interview with cbc radio canada,its almost the same behaviour as when i was useing.I have to find tyhe right fix!Barb is a pain these days and keeps on wanting me to shoot her up!i hate that shit and she still brings it into my house which is very disrespectfull eh folks?>?well thats al;l for tonight eh!GODBLESS you all egh,james joey gough sudbury ont can

well ,i now have to wait for 15 days to see if the check will clear or not.

If it doesnt ,then i am afraid that it will be a fraud charge against me,and i dont want or need that in my life at this time,as i am trying to stay clean and now have to regain my carries back as dube has taken them all once again,so,not it will take 2 months to get them all back again,fuckin guy said i used coke back in june and i know i have been clean for alot longer then that,but how does a reformed junkie argue with a dr. who has test results sitting in from of him,now i just recently heard that a lab guy was fired cause he was screwin with test recults and also a pharmasist that was stealing small doses from the methadone patients,and i think there has to be a better way to find out if we are getting the correct doses or not.nways I am hoping to start up a charity org here in sudbury that will be affiliated withg access aids sudbury,the caravan of hope is my big idea to get 6-9 hiv poz persons and we go across canada doing talks in every city at as many schools as we can get too.if anyone else has any info or would like to join up email me at jamesgsud@hotmail.com i need at least 6 more hiv+ persons,a tour bus,and alittle help from GOD would be just fine.well i ptay for all those that are suufering at this time,and may GOD bless yous with peace ,happiness and love,james joey gough,sudbury ont canada 715 burton ave #2 p3c 4L3

Jonathon

 I watched a show dateline that showed a small boy with aids,and what courage and strength that the family displays,and a miraculas little boy,who just wants to be normal,loved in a peacefull happy envirement,like all boys and girls should be raised !Jonathon swain was supposed to die from aids at 2 or 3,living everyday like it was the last,cause it just coulda been,how the mom got hooked on coke =200/day habit.trying to escape the pressures of raising a son with aids,and what a coke addiction can do to a family.I know how it can tear at one's feelings and thoughts,just one,i'll just do 1,lol,thats what they all say eh?well its true,alot of junkies i know try and fool themselves every time with that ol I"LL just do 1 and thats it!lol asif you would stop at 1,asif you had that much control over the drug not the drug controlling you eh!untill you get fed up with all the bullshit and decide to stop useing yerself,fooling yerself,hurting yerself,and start to accept who and what you are.anyways along with jonathon's story,it seems she gets 12 years for dealing drugs ,so,john graduates highschool,meets a beautifull girl,he found someone to share life with,and they get married ,she gets pregnate,has a son who is hiv -,they finaly get to meet back with his mom after she gets out of jail,stays off the dope and crack!~now here is this guy who wasn't supposed to live past 2 or 3!and here he is a daddy now and a husband,he works with his brother and his mom ,lives in the basement of johns new house! this guy Jonathon Swain is my hero! he has filled me with a renewed sence of hope,and my thanks goes out to this guy thousands of miles away,that helped me get through a tough day,and fill me with hope and courage to face anything,My GOD is with me,i shall not want!~~Peace all!!~~~ 

why its hard finding a woman!

  why can't i find a nice lookin woman that has HIV ?Now that it is more common and more accepted(supposedly)why am i haveing such a hard time finding a girl for me>?I am an ex addict,and got hiv from inter-venus drug use(I.V.=inject)at first finding out i was pos drove me even deeper in my drug use,and i was very lucky i didnt od or die with a needle stick in my arm,as have so many of the people i used to know has happened to them,so,why me?why am i able to get outta the drug scene?I think it has been my faith that has pulled me through most of my trials.I am always trying to get to know my father that created me,and no not my dad,he has long since passed,and i really didnt know him that well to tell ya the truth.anyways just for today,i am gratefull to be alive and well,(i think),lol,just have to keep lookin for that pretty girl to come my way,oh and i just heard that you can be sued for passing hiv to someone,and now you must disclose if yer pos,(i do)anyways have a good day and type at ya's after eh!peace!! 

july5/2006

 well, its another year almost since i lost my daughter cory well it will be 2 years now and i still miss her every day.she gave me hope to go on,but now that she's gone i feel like i have lossed all my hope,i can feel the pressure building up0 inside and have to learn to vent,get it out of my system eh,well at least its good for some goossip eh!lol jkanyways i miss my little girl(22 not so little)and just hope she knows that i love and miss her very much,oh and yes theres still the hiv aids 2006 internayional conf to keep up my hope ,maybe i will find a ife there eh!well thats it for now folks GOD bless you and yours eh!~~peace~~~ 

I often wonder if there are different dimentions on our planet

 And that there are doors to get to different dimentions in space and time,if such a doorway was found,it brings up alot of new idea's of how to solve some of today's problems,if only we knew where these door-ways were eh?anyways,i am glad that i am here and i am straight,(almost)at least i am clean from the heavy drugs,and just have to get off this methadone,but i am experiencing some leg and foot pain and i know that my family doc will not give me anything for pain.I am ok .And i am just watching the shuttle lift off and its a cool site i must say.The amount of fuel they burn is incredable,but it sure is a moving site. 

Nice day out today,that the creator has made,

 and we are just ruining it at a faster and faster rate of speed,ruining it for our future generations.We have to stop while we have time to make a change foe the benefit of all man,lest we keep on in this manner and destroy ourselves,or any future we might have had on this planet.Hey,safe sex saves lives ,so save a life today eh!peace all! 

my life story: Anyone spare a Moterhome for a good cause?

my life story: Anyone spare a Moterhome for a good cause?: "it has been a dream of mine for awhile now to go across canada with a bunch of fellow warriors,telling our dif. stories of living and dealing with HIV -AIDS .All of us would be dif, race ,cultures,religeons,and backgrounds.this is to include as many peoples from the audience as possable so that they can identify with one or more of our group.(5 or 6 peoples) we will each tell our stories,10 or 15 ,minutes each,and go around to schools and group homes,University's ,wherever there are kids willing to listen to us,hear us,see us ,learn from us,we are your brothers and sisters,fathers and mothers,and countless orphans affected by this disease!help us to help each other ,and may GOD bless each and every one of yous,in Jesus name i pray ,amen!
posted by james(joey)gough at 11:56 AM
1 Comments:
james(joey)gough said...
Call 705 688 0500 access aids sudbury,living well fund,or leave a message for james(joey)gough,This is also where our support group meets(Wed.1:30-3:30)have a great summer all,and remember that safe sex saves lives!so,save a life today eh!
1:10 PM
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Anyone spare a Moterhome for a good cause?

it has been a dream of mine for awhile now to go across canada with a bunch of fellow warriors,telling our dif. stories of living and dealing with HIV -AIDS .All of us would be dif, race ,cultures,religeons,and backgrounds.this is to include as many peoples from the audience as possable so that they can identify with one or more of our group.(5 or 6 peoples) we will each tell our stories,10 or 15 ,minutes each,and go around to schools and group homes,University's ,wherever there are kids willing to listen to us,hear us,see us ,learn from us,we are your brothers and sisters,fathers and mothers,and countless orphans affected by this disease!help us to help each other ,and may GOD bless each and every one of yous,in Jesus name i pray ,amen! 

HIV-AIDS 2006 International Conference in Toronto

Will be a very cool place to be in August(11-18) and should provide a good source of knowledge,experience,and hopefully also meet a pretty woman to settle down with.(wishfull thinkin)well who knows eh?not me thats fer sure!well today i am clean and like it that way!I do not have to hide my feelings of loss and remorse anymore,and have dealt with most of my personal issues,(still workin on that smokin thing)I am at peace with myself finaly,and now am just bloggin away on this here machine.I like this as it can also be used to educate people as well as entertain also.Remember peoples Safe Sex Saves Lives,so practice away eh,and save some lives!~~peace all~~joe from canada 

Art is in the eye of the beholder,how can you see love?

Its just something i've thought about,how can you veiw love?or why does a certain artwork work for you and others do not>?art is art isn't it?I guess that would depend on one's veiw eh?Its starting to look like America is the true terrorists,and thats the truth of it all along!Bush is after the oil and is exchangeing american blood for it.I am gratefull i live in a country where one's rights are respected,(Native's are still treated like second class citizens in their own country)or at least i thought it was,i am gratefull that i am clean and i am hoping to meet someone soon,it gets kinda boring here at times.well have a great summer holiday all,~~~peace eh~~safe sex saves lives!~~~~ 

Just for today canada day raining

Figures that the day we are supposed to have fireworks we get rain,(happens every year eh)hopefully they will wait till tomorrow when there is better weather out.Well happy Canada day all.Hope we are around for 200 hundred years eh!best country in this whole planet eh!I am HIV + but am not on meds at this time,july1/2006 I am alone alot these days and get bored fast it seems,or i just cant pay attention for too long,but ,just for today i am thanks full to my creator for giving me so much to enjoy in this life.thank-you GOD ,where ever you are now,thanks and keep up the great work eh!~~peace~~ 

Just for today eh!

Well today is a rainy day,and we needed it as it was getting too dry out in the bushes.Well today i am straight and am actualy enjoying life now.whereas before i was always trying to hide my feelings and emotions with drugs and booze.I realize now that this was a mistake and have confonted my feelings and have dealt with them all(i hope)I am so glad that i am clean and almost serene,that will come with time i guess,and alot of work eh,i am still single,but at least i have some good peoples behind me,and are going to be pissed if i screw up with this curfew thing(6pm -7am)i have to do this for a year,but its sure better then bneing inside eh!well thats it fer now ,~~peace!! all!!~~ 

sigle male seeks single female for friendship

I am a single male that has been searching for a friend,a female friend,that,after we get to know each other,then,maybe,we can start a relationship.Because i am HIV+I often have a hard time approaching woman,the fear of rejection still lingering from my last experience when i stated that i was poz,they backed away,covering their mouths,like they were in imminate danger or something!all i wanted to do was ask her to danceand said oh by the way i am poz but don't....she wass already turning around and swiftly walking asway.suffice it to say that it was the last time i tried to ask a girl to dance.Because of this i have missed out on a lot of good times,and now am usualy at home,alone,so,i blog about the good or bad day i had,and that i still keep the faith and that i will also find my love out here somewheres,somehows,~~~well thats all for tonight,i am kinda down from the edmonton oilers loss,still very proud of those warriors though,and may God bless you all with peace,happiness and love~~~~~~~~joey from sudbury ont. oh if any single female would like to e-mail me at jamesgsud@hotmail.com or joeniceguy2005@yahoo.ca 

my life story

Well i thought that i had it copied and wouldn't have to type it all out again,but no,so,here i go,i was the oldest boy of six boys.My father wasn't around too much,and i dont remeber that much of him.He liked to wear an army jacket and like me,didnt agree with the US invading Viet Nam,and supported draft dodgers and hippies,as he was one.I grew up listening to revolutionary music,heavey metel of the sixties i guess eh?well anyways i lossed my father in 77,the same year as Elvis Presley's death as i recall.I remember crying in the limo so hard that i couldn't catch my breath,and then my mom put a pill in my mouth,it was valium,it wasnt the first time i had seen it,or i knew what it was and what it did,and it helped me to relax.My dads seath was very traumatic for me.I was constantly being told that"you are the man of the house now joe"it was repeated over and over to me.Now we skip ten years,and we are living in sault Ste Marie now,in a house on pine st.I answered the door to the police man,who stated that "a one Douglas Gough was Killed in an accident lastnight"I remember the endorphines kicked in BIg time,and i was floating down the stairs,i can still recall that feeling of increduality,'it couldn't be him,we just sent him to sudbury yesterday"but it was true,he was partying atthe coulson hotel and had drank so much,he thought he was still in the sault,and had takin a cab to pine st.apperently he had passed out near 725 pine ,my moms address in the soo.A car had come along and had dragged him 400 metres.It was twenty minutes before the towtruck could lift the car and they could then extricate him from under the car.His leg was bent awardly and was next to his face.This is how it was described to me.and i sometimes can picture him like that,not like he was,a funny,loving young man ,that died on his 22 birthday,Nov.22/1988 R.I.P. Bro,we will allways remember the "Dougie"and" houndoug" with love.Now we skip ahead another ten years,it 1999,I am aquitted on murder 2 charges,and am let outta jail after 18 months,but still feel guilty about killing my friend,even though it was in self-defence.We were doing coke and it got down to the last hit,he pulled a knife and demanded that i give it to him,i picked up a chair and knocked the knife outta his hand,we both went for it but i got to it first,and i stabbed him in the leg to try and stop him.I freaked out,as i had never done anything like this before,and ran outta the apt we were both staying in,to a friends ,Eddie and Robert,both of whom have since died of hiv-aids,and he let me sleep on the couch.Next day i wake up and i see my face on TV with a warrent for murder!I call doris and then i call Andrew Buttazoni,a lawyer who has since moved on to be a judge,he said he would call me right back,and he did,he had phoned the police,they asked if i could wait a few hours to turn myself in.I musta smoked a pack of smokes in that time.Those few hours seemed like an eternity too me,but finaly andrew came and picked me up,i was wearing my jeans that were covered in blood from me doctoring peoples,(10 different types of blood were found,or something along that line anyways,)So i was fingerprinted and they made me take off all my clothes and photo graphed my whole body.later they would come for hair samples at the district jail.Time there seemed to meld into one long nightmare of a ride,of being so wasted that i couldnt talk,i was more stoned on meds then i ever was on the street.I try to recall my 18 months and i am missing whole chuncks of time,which is probably a good thing,i don't know as i can;t remember,but mayhap it is best left unresolved.anyways,its 1999,summer,i am out for 2 months when my grandfather dies.we drive the long way to kingston ont.my birthplace.I am somehwhat of a celebrity,or am treated with awe,or they are scared of me,probably a mix of all three,looking back now.anyways ,flash ahead to 2004,its spring,and i have been living on elgin street in sudbury.I am heavey into drugs,getting dope for people that come to my room.I do not sell myself,as i cannot be trusted.I am at the lowest point in my life.I am staying up for weeks at a time,I weigh 110 lbs.I get my cheque and go to pick up,I ended up picking up garbage,sugur,and pissed off,fed up with the dope scene.All those fuckin girls,sucking dick for a smash.I am thouroughly disgusted,tired of living like an animal.Being treated like an animal.I am just tired of everything.I try to kill myself by slicing my wrist.Just a big mess that i end up cleaning up as i am the cleaner for the building.It was during this time that i supposedly sold to a narc.When they come to your house and then ask you to go to pick up drugs somewheres else,thats called entrapment,but not in sudbury.Here the cops know how to play dirty.And do so without impuntiy.they still do to this day.I kid you not.well now it is june.It is friday and i am looking at a picture of my ex girlfriend.she is holding a cheque for 1 million dollars.I am very happy for her.I dream of her coming to my place and giveing me a harley Davidson,She drops by and picks me up,she wants to show me her house that they are building.Its nice.alittle expensive for what she is getting i think to myself.It couyldn't happen to a more deserving person though.This person that i still love,she has been through alot herself,but no one is more down to earth then this girl.She is my dreamgirl that got away,but i do not tell her this.she is happy now,and deserves to be.Its all i want for her in the first place,but i wish i could have a little of that happiness in my life.but i guess God has other plans for me,I wish he would tell me his plans,but he does not,and remains ever silent.I flash back to a time when i was in jail.I have been trying to get to chappel for 3 months now,and still get refused on grounds of security.Finaly i get to go down,in cuffs,but i get to go to church!We sing hyms and read from the bible,i havent felt this good in a while,on walking out i get to the stairs,and while standing at the bottom,I have a ......i don't know what to call it,..an epiphany maybe,....but it is a feeling that i have been trying to duplicate ever since,an overwhelming feeling of peace and serenity,i seem to float up the stairs,only now do i recall that the other time when i felt like that was wheni got the news about my brother dougie.It's kinda like a high,but more purer,almost,God-inspired maybe,but it is a feeling of love that i miss.flash back to now.Its 2006,fathers day,I am still living in the same place.I have a curfew from the case 3 years earlier.I will be on probation for a year,if i screw up,i go back inside.I do not want to screw up and go back.I like being free thank-you very much!I sr=till attend the hiv+support group that i got started here in sudbury.we meet every wed at access aids sudbury.I have been clean for 1 1/2.I am still single.but i am looking now,for a special person,to come into my life and fill my heart with the love that it so desires.I am waiting for her,i do not know who she is,or where she is,but i hope she is,and i hope that maybe one day,she will find me or I her,Untill then,this is my story,it is the truth,sad as it may be,but will it have a happy ending???stay tuned folks,and maybe you'll find out eh!peace!